![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Black wannabe-Crocs, no socks
Sep. 21st, 2025 07:57 amAfter that shout into the void last night, I panic-shaved off my beard. Where the fuck did that second chin around the real bony one come from?
It's 7:35pm, and I expected to be having dinner at the Willy Street Fair mixed in with a little dancing to some club DJ's at the end of the street closed to the Wisconsin State Capitol. Instead, I'm home, 55 (my age now - who knew that'd ever happen? miles away from there. We left early because husband - not an insignificant number of years my senior - was achy from standing during most of the show - and had seen the one performer he'd wanted, and it was starting to drizzle anyway ( brief, but he was determined, and we drove together), so...
I feel like the need to be at the party until it's no longer a party - the desire to be counting among the "cool kids" that I've had since I was a nerdy, no-fashion sense, preteen who wanted to be where the fun was - is slamming against the grey hairs, the knees and hips doing things they didn't as recently as 45 or 50, ththe sexy [[human beings of appropriate gender]] no longer seeing anything that appealing when you walk past - I liked being cruised, checked out and objectified that way, really!! - and the dozing off in the daytime (which I did in the passenger side on the ride home, to cap things off poorly). Personally, I don't like feeling the impact of that collision.
I feel like the need to be at the party until it's no longer a party - the desire to be counting among the "cool kids" that I've had since I was a nerdy, no-fashion sense, preteen who wanted to be where the fun was - is slamming against the grey hairs, the knees and hips doing things they didn't as recently as 45 or 50, ththe sexy [[human beings of appropriate gender]] no longer seeing anything that appealing when you walk past - I liked being cruised, checked out and objectified that way, really!! - and the dozing off in the daytime (which I did in the passenger side on the ride home, to cap things off poorly). Personally, I don't like feeling the impact of that collision.
The presence of dementia makes you grieve for some people earlier than you're supposed to.
(BACKGROUND: My sister Magen called me last night, reporting that our mother is in the hospital with a not-insignificant infection - basically bedsores cleaned up to the extent that my sisters could do, but things got missed, and the odor was lingering. Magen also hinted that, although things don't appear necessarily grave, that I should consider an October trip to New York. I and my wallet both winced.)
I'm a little bummed (again, but this has been the 800-pound gorilla in my life for the last few years, so that's just par for the course.), needless to say.
(BACKGROUND: My sister Magen called me last night, reporting that our mother is in the hospital with a not-insignificant infection - basically bedsores cleaned up to the extent that my sisters could do, but things got missed, and the odor was lingering. Magen also hinted that, although things don't appear necessarily grave, that I should consider an October trip to New York. I and my wallet both winced.)
I'm a little bummed (again, but this has been the 800-pound gorilla in my life for the last few years, so that's just par for the course.), needless to say.
